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Title: Autumn Shadows
Pairings: Yoochun/Junsu
Rating: G
Genre: Romance
A/N: Disclaimer: The boys aren’t mine…if someone owns them, loan them to me pretty pwease!!! *pouts*


Every year, when the earliest faint wisps of autumn blow across the land, Kim Junsu would always stop and remember the first time he met Park Yoochun. The first time he stepped over the threshold and entered into their secret garden…and saw a seven year old boy leaning over the edge of the lake, intently watching something. His sight was unmoving, fixed into the water, his eyes sparkling in wonder.

As if their meeting was predestined, the boy looked up to see Junsu and beckoned him over. The moment he stepped into the garden; he felt a curious sense of peace wash over him, soothing him like a mother’s caress. He opened his mouth to speak, but Yoochun gently shushed him. Young Junsu got slightly annoyed and wondered what the fuss was all about.

But when he hunkered down and peered into the lake himself, the sight took his breath away. It was merely the reflection of the autumn foliage above—the vivid flecks of red, flaming orange, rich golden yellows dancing and flitting across the surface, holding momentarily still before merging into each other. The shifting hues held in them all the mysteries of the dawn, the secrets of nature that humans took entire lifetimes to learn. Junsu thought he had never seen a more exquisite sight in his life. And when he looked again, he saw a pair of beautiful brown eyes gazing intently into his own.

With Yoochun’s hand covering his, he let the magic and beauty that was autumn weave her spell around him.



The secret garden didn’t belong to another world- in fact it was an isolated space in their neighbourhood just beyond the grove, protected from prying eyes by maple trees and a lake mirroring the azure blue of the skies. But in those stolen moments, whispering boyhood secrets into Yoochun’s ear and running alongside him as free as the wind, the normally reticent and tongue-tied Junsu discovered he could fly.

It seemed natural that they would live out their days here; two schoolboys with scruffy shoes and dirt under their collars- one with a spirit that shone was bright as the sun, and the other who wanted nothing more than to be by his side forever.

Once, Yoochun jokingly asked him what he meant to him.

Junsu’s eyes were serious when he said “With Yoochun-ah, the summer of my life would never end”



It was a beautiful day when Yoochun first broke his heart. That afternoon after classes were over for the day, Junsu stood at the corner, leaning against his bicycle waiting for Yoochun to join him from his soccer practice. He watched as the tall lanky high school boy strode up to him, smiling infectiously.

“Su-ah…guess what! The coach got a call from Seoul…they want me to try out for the national team!”

For the first time, Junsu felt his smile slide away. It was still warm, but staring vacantly at the distant sun in the horizon, he sensed the faint signs of summer end. He pulled him into a crushing hug-

I’m so proud of you

-he whispered fiercely to him, holding him close, hoping to imprint the memory of this fleeting embrace onto his body, his mind forever…He let him go, unwillingly, hesitantly (because he knew he would never hold on to him again). Yoochun had given him so much, so much and now-

It was his turn to let him fly.

On their first night apart, Junsu went to their secret garden and glimpsed the lights of Yoochun’s room put out. Tears blinded his eyes as he unseeingly stared into the stars~ he felt an unexplainable pang… his heart felt empty, strangely hollow...aching for something…There, under the night sky, in the middle of the town, he felt like the loneliest person in the world.



For the initial year apart, Yoochun called regularly. They spent their evenings chatting leisurely like two old friends- Junsu updated him on the school gossip (who was going out with whom) while Yoochun regaled to him his exploits in the big city- the backbreaking early morning sessions, evenings spent traipsing around with his new buddies, how the food prices varied drastically according to the neighborhood, and how it was hell sharing a room with five other men, all of whom apparently required the use of the bathroom simultaneously each morning.

“Its nice being a trainee” he told him once, “All the big-shots do the work, and you get paid to sit around and carry water for them”

As time goes by, his schedule becomes busier, the time spent on phone rarer. Junsu desperately misses him- misses him like a part of his own heart.

And Yoochun’s career picked up- he was playing every match now, being hailed as a rising star. Every TV channel began running his interviews, his easy grin appeared on the cover of every magazine. Junsu bought them all, skimping on his monthly budget, taking on odd jobs to make extra money. He wondered why, as he slowly traced the contours of Yoochun’s face, that his heart felt at peace…

When he visited home again, Junsu had just finished his shift at the local store. Wordlessly he got into the posh car, taking in the plush interiors before quickly giving him a hug. For the first time, Junsu’s did not meet his as became conscious of the trendy jacket next to his own worn out coat.

Autumn came and went in their secret garden, but Junsu watched the changing colours all alone.



Another visit, another night before he went back to Seoul, they met in the old garden one last time. The clear moonlight guided their path across the well-trodden streets- he almost expected to see their younger selves playing hide-and-seek around the bend.

As Yoochun carefully set the box open at their feet, and began to set his bundle at the bottom, Junsu nervously fingered his own package. Should Yoochun crush it in disdain, it would take with it almost an entire year’s salary, not to mention his heart.

But he just grinned and swiftly buried the box underneath the maple tree.

“Five years”


Yoochun grinned—“Don’t worry…I’ll still be here”. He playfully pinched his butt. “We’ll grow old in this place, grandpa…”

Junsu laughed with him…carefully scanning his face. When he saw nothing but the sheer *steadfastness* in Yoochun’s eyes, he gently lowered his lips to his. They tasted of cigarette ash and bitter beer, but as Junsu opened his mouth and flicked his tongue against his, he felt the warmth of home.



The rumours surfaced around that time, but Junsu pretended to turn a deaf ear. Then the news channel flashed the proof for all to see—clips of Yoochun drunk, his face nuzzled into a woman’s neck as he led her into a car outside a nightclub.

“What have I done...so sorry…My friends set me up…Su-ah…had too much to drink…no idea what happened”- Yoochun’s voice rasped tearily across the phone line. He gently shushed, muttering tender pacifications…



“That is no place for you…Come home”

The voice became angry- “Damn you…don’t try to mother me…All these years I’ve worked…do they all come to nothing?”


The line abruptly went silent.

Those moments spent in the garden seemed like a lifetime ago. Junsu sat on the broken-down swing and cried his heart out.


When Yoochun dragged him along to visit the big city, he never felt more awkward, more out of place in his life. His clothes, new ones purchased just for this trip, managed to look grungy…his easy-going manner was in danger of being misconstrued as unrefined.

Yoochun was drunk again.

He half-pulled, half-dragged him out of the bar; his manager tagging along helplessly. In the middle of the crowded street of downtown Seoul, Junsu noticed the signs of dissipation on his friend’s face, the cynical lines around his eyes…He searched, slowly, and then despairingly for any sign of the carefree boy who had spent his life running alongside him in the garden.

The sight of you…evokes memories…that I’d rather forget...floating around me like phantoms...unreal and tangible…I reach out but I cannot touch them...such is the way I love you…

“Manager-sshi…please take care of him for me”

“What about you, sonny”

“I’ll be ok”

He gave Yoochun his new life, the dream he had worked for…

Holding Yoochun’s hand tightly in his for a moment, he gently circled his palm with his thumb, savoring the touch one last time before slowly but unwaveringly letting it go. The crowd of people surged around him like a wave, and he gladly let it overwhelm him…taking with him only the precious memories of his secret garden.


A/N: *runs for cover*


( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 16th, 2009 10:01 pm (UTC)
Am I first? GO ME!!! (I'm never first, man...)

Aw, it was sweet in a really sad kind of way. But that's good!

I can't really put into words why I liked it. I just do.

Yay for you~!
Jan. 24th, 2009 07:17 pm (UTC)
hey!! soo sweet of you to say that..im glad you liked it..thanks! <3333
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Jan. 24th, 2009 07:20 pm (UTC)
thanks a lot for saying that...i was hoping it didnt come off as too angsty <333 *hugs*
Jan. 17th, 2009 01:24 am (UTC)
i love the melancholic feel to it, very different from the usual stuff here. really a pretty picture you have painted.

thank you for sharing :)
Jan. 24th, 2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
i really wanted the fic to be kind of moody and melancholy (rather than angsty)..so im sooo glad that i succeeded.. *hugs*
Jan. 17th, 2009 02:41 am (UTC)
i really like this. though i've had hope of knowing why yoochun lost himself, and for junsu to not give up on him, but this is already a satisfying read.

pretty. nice, nice believable AU. thanks for sharing this. ;D
Jan. 24th, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC)
hi.. i wrote this fic on the spur of a moment, though now i wish it *was* a little more structured.. thanks for reading :D
Jan. 17th, 2009 06:22 am (UTC)
the angst just breaks my heart ='[. But I love it =P. Can we have one with Chunnie realizing his mistake and searching for his susu =]?
Jan. 24th, 2009 07:29 pm (UTC)
haha..so happy you liked it..about the sequel part..i *have* given it a thought..but when i wrote it down, it didnt strike me as believable..so im working on it, and hopefully it'll come through..

thank you soo much for reading *hugs*
Jan. 17th, 2009 04:49 pm (UTC)

chun is stupid here. god it breaks me.

*huggles su*
Jan. 24th, 2009 07:32 pm (UTC)
i totally totally agree..*glomps lonely!Su*... thanks for reading...
Jan. 17th, 2009 07:45 pm (UTC)

totally broke my heart.
but i forgive you because gods this is so gorgeous~
Jan. 24th, 2009 07:39 pm (UTC)
^____^ so happy you liked the fic..thanks for reading *hugs*
Feb. 27th, 2009 06:18 am (UTC)
ah this is so sad.
i can't believe i only read this now.
*flies to the next part*
Feb. 27th, 2009 08:53 am (UTC)
thanks for reading dear..your a total sweetheart..<3
Feb. 27th, 2009 04:13 pm (UTC)


but this is ♥
Feb. 28th, 2009 05:02 am (UTC)
*wipes off your tears*..

thanks for reading dear...really sweet of you..

btw, i've been squeeling over your icon for the past 5 mins..it actually looks hand-drawn???
Feb. 28th, 2009 05:43 am (UTC)
haha im sure its not hand-drawn. but they r beautiful like this ne? :D ♥
Feb. 28th, 2009 10:14 am (UTC)
*stares some more*..Su staring at Chun with those intimate bedroom eyes--my tongue's hanging out XD
Feb. 27th, 2009 08:28 pm (UTC)
nooo chunnie succumbed to the ways of celebs :(

poor susu~ he doesn't deserve that...

love the writing! :)
Feb. 28th, 2009 05:04 am (UTC)

yea..poor susu doesn't deserve anything..though its quite funny we always make him suffer in our fics ne..and privately enjoy every minute

thanks so much bb <3
Mar. 1st, 2009 01:43 pm (UTC)
Ouch...that's painful....*run off to read part 2*
Mar. 1st, 2009 07:38 pm (UTC)
ehh..dun worry..the 2nd part has a major fluff-overload..thanks for reading bb ^__^
Oct. 2nd, 2011 04:24 pm (UTC)
Poor Junsu Y______________Y
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )